新しく何かが始まるときや終わりを迎えるとき、そのタイミングは音もなく静かに訪れて気付けばそのプロセスの中にいる、ということがよくあります。
さらに強烈なときには、今までそこかしこにあったはずのそれ以外の道が、ことごとく目の前で閉ざされていき、結局今いるところから全てがその1つの点に向かって繋がっていく、みたいな。
今思えばあのときもこのときも、人生のいくつかの節目節目で、そんな風に導かれてきたという気がするのです。
例えば、副業としてライターを細々としていた2015年。その頃はオーストラリアのシドニー在住でカフェのバリスタを本業として働いていました。
そのカフェは海にせり出したマリーナにあり、潮風を感じながらシドニー湾を眺めて働く日々はそれはそれで幸せでした。お客さんにも、「こんな職場なら毎日が非日常ね、あなたラッキーよ」と言われる通り、何年働いてもいい意味で慣れず、毎日が感動に満ちていたのです。
それまで掛け持ちで働いていたのが、いよいよそのカフェでフルタイムで働かせてもらうことになり、安定した収入の見込みも立ったと一安心…。
そんな矢先の、「強制立ち退き」。
それはまさに晴天の霹靂。
確かにマリーナの所有者とカフェのオーナーとの間に色々あるとは聞いていましたが、私たちはその日何も知らずにカフェに到着し「本日をもって閉店します、今までありがとう」と書かれた張り紙で、その事実を知ることになるなんて…。
私たちスタッフは状況把握すらできないまま、常連さんの戸惑いの問いかけにもうまく答えられず、混乱している間に一日が終わり、その日中に全てを片付けて店を閉じることになったのです。
いつも明るいオーナーの悲しそうな顔、元同僚たちの落胆した表情…。
今でもあの日のことを思い出すと、胸がぎゅっと締め付けられます。
全てのことがあまりに突然起こり、そこから私のシドニーでの暮らしも一変。
失業手当を受け取りながらの求職活動をするのですが、なかなかうまくいかない。
幸運にも2つのカフェで仕事が決まったものの、結局どちらも上の人とそりが合わない。
それは私にとっては珍しいことで、自分で言うのもなんですが社交性のあるキャラクターで、どんな職場でもだいたい上の人から気に入られるタイプなのです、私って。笑。
「いつもならうまくいくことがうまくいかない」
これって、ただ「あぁ、ツイてないな」と不運だと片付けることもできます。でもサインだと捉えることも、いや、どう考えてもそうとしか思えませんでした。
確かにカフェで働くことは好きでした。でも同時に日本でしていた広告制作や編集など、クリエイティブ系の仕事に戻りたくて仕方がなかったのです。
ただ優先順位として「好きな街（＝シドニー）に住みたい」が上位だったので、そこでできる好きなことをと辿り着いたのがカフェの仕事でした。要はセカンドベスト、というやつです。
そんなわけで自分にとっての一番を生きるため、一旦日本へ帰国。
そこからもさらに色々ありましたが結局今は、広告代理店専属のライターを経てフリーランスライターとして活動しています。職業を聞かれ、「フリーのライターです」と答えるときの、自分の中での一致感が今までの人生で一番強くしっくり来ています。
そしてさらに、今年に入ってからも大きな「導き」がありました。
実は今まで、「グルメ系の取材ライティング」が主な仕事だったのが、（そろそろ取材に特化したものだけ、というのは卒業したいな）と考えていました。
取材ありきの仕事だと、どうしても今住んでいる場所に限られるし、そもそもフリーになったのは「世界中どこにいてもできるスタイル」を目指したからだ、という初心を思い出したのです。
そんな矢先、珍しく重度の夏バテをして挙句、ろっ骨を負傷して動けなくなってしまったのです。
こ、これは…、またしてもサイン！
人生の面白さは、このとき水面下で「My Shining Life」の立ち上げや制作が進んでいたこと。これは物理的に動けなくなることで、このサイト作りに集中する時期だということを教えてくれたのではないか、と。
ふと浮かぶ心の声、どうしても諦められない夢、それらを大切に扱うことで開けてくる未来があります。
日々の忙しさに埋もれてすっかり忘れていても、それが本当に「やることになっている（meant to be）もの」なら、必ずやサインはやって来ると思うのです。
何も失業したりろっ骨を負傷しなくても、もっと日々心の本音に耳を傾けていれば、よりすんなりと向かうべき先へ繋がる選択ができるでしょう。
そんな風にサインに導かれながら、調整しながら、辿り着く場所はきっと自分の本音と120％一致した心地のいい場所に違いないのです。
文：mia
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