迷い悩んでその「答え」が欲しいとき、頼るべきは誰かではなく自分自身でありたいと思います。
例えば何か問題が起きたり悩みを持ったとき、誰かに相談したり占いに頼ったりするのは自然な行動でした。「でした」というのは私自身もう、そういう時期は終わったかなと感じることが増えたからです。
だってよく思い返してみると、悩みごとを誰かに相談したり占いでアドバイスをもらったとして、その通りに動くことって実はあまりなかったりしませんか。
結局私たちは、自分で出した答えに対し「そう、それでいいんだよ」と、ポンと背中を押してもらいたいんですよね。
それは薄々は知っている自分にとっての答えを、自身を信じ切ることができていないために誰かの承認を必要としてしまっているのだと思います。
さらに興味深いことにその「誰か」は、「その答えを後押ししてくれるに違いない人」を、知らず知らずのうちに選んでいるということ。
もしくはその答えにもっと自信がないときは、ビシッと意見してくれる人を無意識に選んでしまっていたり。…ね、思い当たることがありませんか。
でも知らないわけがないんですよ、自分にとっての本当の答えを…！
私たちの多くはきっと、あまりに自分の気持ちをごまかしたり蓋をして過ごしてきました。
「世間体」とか「誰かの評価」とか「美徳」とか、そういうものが空気中に散らばっていて、呼吸するたびにそれらを無意識に吸い込んで体内に取り入れるように、まるで自分のものとして扱ってきたのです。
そしていつしか、自分の本質の部分にぼんやりと膜が張ったようになっていて、でもそれすらも気付かないくらい鈍感になってしまったのかもしれません。
だからいざ自分で答えを導き出すときに、自分の声が聞こえにくくなっているのかも、と思うのですよ。答えにたどりつくために、私たちはまるで玉ねぎの皮をむくように一枚ずつその膜をはいでいく必要があります。
そしてそのために私たちができることはとってもシンプル。
自分に正直であること、嘘をつかないこと。
それには社交辞令を止める、見栄を張らないなどの中身の伴わない、外向きの態度を止めることも含まれます。
普段から心がけている人ならできそうに思えるかもしれませんが、そうでない人にとっては正直なかなかハードルが高いと思います。人生分積み上げた癖や習慣はなかなかのものです。
しかも自分の本質に辿り着くには、かなり細かく徹底してやるのが大切ですから。自分の心の動きを見逃さないように…。
ただこれを続けると、かなり色んな心のトリックが見えてきて、その巧妙さに我ながら驚かされることがあります。つまり、とっても面白いです！
そしてこんな風に自分に繋がってくると、今起きている全てのことが完璧だと強く信じられるようになります（ほぼ知っている感覚）。だから必要なメッセージを必要なタイミングで受け取ることがどんどん簡単になるのです。
そして焦りや不安から人にアドバイスを求めることもなくなっていきます。
その代わり、たまたま目に付いた電車の中吊りやポスター、立ち寄った書店で立ち読みしたページ、エレベーターで乗り合わせただけの他人の会話などに、求めていた答えを見出すときもあります。
でもそれはあくまで自分が自分に気付かせたメッセージであって、誰かが教えてくれたものではありません。
そんな風に気付けば何においても対他人、ではなく対自分に変わってくるのです。
私自身、自分への繋がりを探求する中で、ハラハラと目から鱗という鱗が落ちる感覚を味わっています。
私は自他ともに認める、かなり正直に生きてきたタイプだったので、それでもこれほどに巧妙に本当の自分の答えを隠してきたことに驚きを隠せません。もちろん無意識に、ですよ。
私もまだまだ探求の途中です。でも「自分らしく生きる」「ありのままで生きる」の本当の意味を少しずつ掴みかけている気がする今日この頃。
そして最近は以前に増して、自分が心強く頼もしい。
これからもますます私自身に信頼を寄せて生きようっと。そうすればきっと肩肘張らなくても完璧に自然な流れの中で、必要な答え・メッセージを受け取ることができると思うのです。
文：mia
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